There is a practice in the dating world suggesting how to find your mate by going to various places, events, cities with the intention of meeting your mate.  I feel this conferences are mostly geared to women seeking to marry men and trying to make us more aggressive in the HUNT.  This is off on so many levels but mainly because women aren’t supposed to be the “hunters.”  (I use that term loosely)  The concept is Get out of your ordinary routine, try new things….which nothing is wrong with that concept until you make the sole purpose about meeting men.  I attended a conference and the speaker made this suggestion…just go golfing or something…like hang out at golfing events was the example…this disturbed me on sooo many levels.  I have no problem with broadening my horizons but when I tried to adopt that practice I was left feeling frustrated, depressed..even more angry and downright disappointed…let alone subjecting myself to constant hits at my self esteem and confidence….NEEDLESSLY!!  Who wants to always feel like this whenever they go somewhere..hoping and wishing for a love connection…ugghh!!!  What if I meet someone at a golfing event or anywhere I don’t have a true interest in.. how would that conversation go?:  “so you golf”…”no”…”why are you here”…”hmmmm.”  I may be over exaggerating but that’s not the life for me nor do I recommend it for single Christians.

How about just live your life IN CHRIST, do things you enjoy, with or without people, try new activities, food, travel, etc only if you have a true interest and definitely not hoping and wishing and worrying about meeting someone.

Do YOU!!  Lead the life God has given and planned for you.  If you don’t know what that is…Seek His face and heart…He is faithful to direct you every step of the way.  What I have found is that when I seek God for my purpose, then live and walk in it…I don’t have time or brain power to worry about my future mate.  God is very capable of that duty…TRUST ME!!!


Independence–is freedom from the control or influence of others.

When did this word start having such a negative connotation especially when it comes to single women???  Well society in my mind has made it a negative word. (Beyonce and Destiny’s Child didn’t help the matter..LOL)  Some women even me have bought into the “independent mentality” especially when referring to men and relationships.  I can’t count the times have I said “I don’t need a man.”  Not realizing or even caring that it was coming from a place of deep deep hurt and brokenness.

SO, let me get deep on ya’ll…LOL. God is the only one that gives us true unlimited independence and freedom.  II Corinthians 3:17 says “now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty.”  When we accept the Lord into our lives and come unto repentance, the Holy Spirit lives inside you and the HEALING starts….continuously as we submit to God’s will.  The Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth..if we allow Him.

When we believe we don’t need people or relationships, we must realize that’s not healthy or part of God’s plan.  We can’t live on this earth without Him or people and complete our purpose in life.  So, when I use to say I don’t need a man…or anybody else for that matter, I had to allow God to search my heart and start to heal the brokenness and hurt from past relationships.  NEED is a strong word but I understand the concept now.  Yes, God has blessed me to afford certain material things, have degrees and a career.  But that doesn’t replace having wholesome relationships…and yes one day with my husband.  I realize there are life experineces and growth that can only occur if I allow God to open my heart to the possibilities.  IN the meantime, I continue growing spiritually FIRST and allowing God to help me develop other relationships.

Proverbs 3:5-7 says “trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”  This means in every situation, relationship, decision, thought…trust GOD and seek Him for direction….yes even in dating after the healing has occured.

Independent brokenness ain’t cute or healthy….DON’T LET THE WORLD’S MENTALITY TRIP YOU UP!!!

Capital One Commercial

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the Capital One credit card commercial..”Who’s in your wallet.”  Well, here’s my question, “Who’s in your spiritual circle?”  We all need a set of really good wise, praying and loving friends.  These friends also are your cheering section, your confidants but they “check” you when your out of order…and vice versa.  I’ve found it’s really important ..paramount even to seek God for Godly relationships, especially in my singleness.  The enemy will try to tell you all sorts of lies: you’ll never have anyone, your lonely, your not good enough, no one will accept you etc etc etc…..all these thoughts can bring about depression, low self esteem, low confidence which can lead to all sorts of things that wreak havoc in our lives.  Knowing God’s word helps combat the enemy.  When you know your a child of God and He wants nothing but the best for you including healthy relationships, you can start allowing Him to transform your mind and ENJOY being single.

One particular scripture stands out the most to me when I first got saved and was seeking God for Christian friends:  Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother  KJV (this is one my Mom always used on me)

Although I prayed for Godly relationships, my first request was “God fix me…show me how to be friendly and open to people.”  Allowing God to search and cleanse my heart and mind is the first step to being whole in Him.  Our relationship with God is the first and most important relationship.  As I allow Him to heal me, I’m becoming more trusting and receptive to people.  God has placed some wonderful men and women in my life to walk this Christian journey with me…..don’t limit your thinking to just praying for a mate..that will come in God’s timing…there is soooo much more to life…JUST ASK THE FATHER< He’ll tell YOU!!



Well is time to officially get this blog up and going.  October has many special meanings to me.  My Mother’s birthday is today…RIH, its by birthday month 🙂 along with several of my family members.  But most importantly its Fall–Harvest time.  I’m not particularly a Fall kinda person….less sun light but this October is very different.  I’m launching this blog and singles ministry that God has placed in my heart.  God has soooo much more for me/us to do, YES EVEN IN OUR SINGLENESS.  When we allow HIM to heal, deliver, and complete us….LIFE IS SOOOO MUCH SWEETER.  I know the pain of living a single life and wishing and hoping for someone to love you.  I know the pain of not knowing your purpose….always feeling like there is more to life but not really knowing how and where to find it.  The pain of trying to make people complete you when only GOD can fulfill that role.

Well, my journey to wholeness started two years ago when I gave my life to God….BEST DECISION I EVER MADE!!!  There is an old song by James Cleveland called, GOD IS…He is my ALL AND ALL.  That song often comes to my mind because its powerful and true.  When you decide to live for the Lord, He fills all the empty spaces in your life, gives you true joy and shows you how to walk in His good and perfect plan for your life.  I’m so glad Jesus died for me and didn’t give up on me even when I wasn’t thinking about Him.

This ministry blog is dedicated to helping you find your true identity in Christ…you won’t regret a life with Him.  It doesn’t matter why you’re single, just know God has a purpose and plan for you now….not after you get a mate.  Seeking HIM for everything in life will GIVE YOU LIFE!!!