Living In Limbo

January 9, 2022 I felt so overwhelmed, bored and restless. But here’s the kicker, the day didn’t start out that way. Somewhere between me worshipping God and trying to relax after virtual church services, I started to feel a sense of melancholy. Like a deep wave of sadness came over me out of nowhere. Participating in my churches powerful prayer call, Sunday school and worship service left me feeling empowered, loved and fulfilled knowing I encountered God. But suddenly I felt like my life was going no where. I was missing the in person fellowship I would normally have on pre-pandemic Sundays. I knew I had some writing assignments to complete but I really couldn’t get my mind and hands to cooperate. The idea of spending one more Sunday afternoon at home alone, in a pandemic with things shut down again felt way too familiar. I absolutely couldn’t be sucked back into my 2020 reality. It seemed as if pandemic living was overtaking me once more. For all the victories I’ve had with living through this pandemic, sometimes I’ve felt like it’s a worthless effort to plan my life. It’s like something in the atmosphere is lurking around trying to prevent and hinder my movements. The sense of uncertainty looming inside created an exasperating mood that I was living my life in limbo. When will all this end? What’s my new normal? Will I ever be free to just be me again?

In the midst of this melancholy mood I could hear Holy Spirit trying to redirect my thoughts. You see, God doesn’t play into our pity parties but He does loving speak to us so we know He’s near. Although I recognized the spiritual warfare I didn’t immediately respond because I didn’t want to do what God was telling me to do. The word of God in James 4:7 says, “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” God’s still small voice was telling me to write and stop putting it off for another day. I needed to do it right then and there, because in that moment writing was going to free me. But I didn’t want to comply because my misery was comfortable although it was tormenting me. I will never understand how our minds function but thank God, He does, because He made us.

Once I stopped rationalizing why I was feeling sorrowful and yielded to God instructing me to write, things changed. But honestly I also felt fearful. I hadn’t written in a while but I had to trust God. I needed my creative juices to flow again. We know fear can be crippling and causes procrastination. I could no longer stay stuck in the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling. So in that moment I decided to move forward. I’m an author birthed through the pandemic. God gifted me with the ability to write. It’s a talent that manifested in 2018 and carried me through 2020. Writing kept my mind in tact while living alone when the world closed its doors to me. Writing is one way I speak to God and it allows God to speak through me to people. I shook off the sadness and pity, opened my computer and used the gift I’ve been given to uplift me and people. The hand of God was not going to reach down from heaven, pull me off the couch, and start typing for me. But His voice was speaking. I just needed to obey and the words poured out.

During the time I spent writing and completing my devotional assignments, I noticed my spirit shifted. The hopelessness, self-pity, and uncertainty I was feeling lifted. The heaviness in my heart and boredom were gone. Feeling like I didn’t have a purpose and plan were no longer apart of my existence. I submitted to God, resisted the detrimental thoughts that were flooding my mind and that melancholy life in limbo spirit left me! God showed me in those moments His love and faithfulness. I actually lived out the commands and promise of James 4:7: submit, resist, and flee. I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment because I was obedient to my Heavenly Father. I conquered and became an overcomer with the help of Holy Spirit. He saw my need, even if I didn’t originally, and He didn’t let me wallow. God’s love kept tugging at my heart strings until I made the decision to submit. The submission set me free. I remembered my purpose and knew that I am free in Christ Jesus. I know the steps of a righteous man/woman are ordered by God and world events don’t dictate my movement. I know the gifts and talents God has blessed me with will make room for me in His perfect timing, not the pandemics timing. I know my relationship with my Savior will carry me through any and every situation life presents if I keep my heart open to His voice and will.

I encourage you to draw close to God and I promise He will draw close to you. Don’t forget His promises to you. Recognize and be grateful for the blessings that have already manifested in your life due to His love for you. When feelings of despair and hopelessness come upon you, remember the God you serve is greater. Feelings of uncertainty, adverse life situations, problems, or doubts shall not stand against the power and authority of God. Don’t let fear and anxiety prevent you from obeying what God has called you to do. If He said it then He also gives us the strength and boldness to go forth. There is power in our obedience to Him. There is abundant freedom afforded to us when we resist the enemies fiery darts and our own destructive ways. We can live victorious lives in Christ Jesus when we submit and resist. Blessings to you!