An oxymoron is a figure of speech in which two opposite ideas are joined to create an effect.  I’m not sure if this is considered an oxymoron but in my mind, purpose in pain or purposeful pain definitely fits the bill.  In order to wrap my mind around the things that happen in life, the test and trials, the good but most often bad things that fit the purpose in pain category gives me some comfort to know my pain has a purpose….hmmmm

Let’s just consider the idea that we are really here on earth to serve and help others.  We are all connected by life experiences.  Experiences we must share because someone needs to hear how they can overcome like we did.  According to God’s plan, He is our Comforter He comforts us so we may be of comfort to others with the same love and comfort He provides to us.  Now if we could only keep this in mind when experiencing life challenges.  We are not alone because God said He would never leave or forsake us.  He fights for us.  He only wants our obedience and submission to His ways and will.  Being a child of God has benefits so why not share?  why not share how we’ve made it through our horror stories and came out victoriously?  why not share our pain that taught us some serious life lessons in an effort to prevent someone else from making the same mistakes?  why not share the pain that drove you to step out and walk in purpose?

My journey to blogging and now becoming a future author were all birthed in pain.  Looking back over my life and the various experiences I’ve had have all led to this point in time.  I now know my purpose in life is to live for God and to speak and write as He leads me.  I never thought my life was worth sharing or could benefit someone else.  I know differently now.

I pray God continues to grant me the strength, courage, boldness and wisdom to share His gospel and how His love has changed my life.  People need to hear the pain that led to my purpose.  People need to hear my ‘at the end of my rope, hanging from a thread, trying to hold on to the same spot’ and still trusting God even when I didn’t realize it stories.  May we always share so God is glorified!!

Be Blessed!!


Mother’s Day 2019

I’ve spent this Mother’s Day reflecting on previous Mother’s days since by Mom transitioned in 2008.  I really don’t have any grandiose memories.  I usually try to plant flowers or cook her favorite meal.  But the last couple of years I’ve just let the day play out as it plays out.  I admit I’m not in the same place I was mentally when she first died.  God has given me the grace and strength to face the day with my head up and no depression….it’s an intentional effort and reality.  Although the loss is felt it’s bearable for the most part…something I never thought I would be able to say.  I don’t have to feel guilty for not being sad or being ok without her being here…as much as I can anyway.  God has blessed me tremendously and I know my Mom would be proud of my walk with Christ and where I am in life…cheering me on.

I don’t remember much about 2008 but these two major life changing events:  May 2008 I graduated from Washington University with my Masters degree.  My Mom was right there by my side, proud and asking “when are you going back for your PhD.”  I remember saying with much attitude “let me get this over with first.”  In hindsight I know she only wanted what was best for me and to push me as far as I could go.  Seven months later, December 2008, my Mom took her last breaths with her children around her bed, praying and hoping God would perform a miracle and heal her body.  I think we all secretly knew that wasn’t going to be the case.

So, now here I am in 2019 striving to be a woman of God.  Trying to live a God-fearing life like my Mom showed me through her life.  I can’t fill her shoes nor do I aspire to any longer but I do understand her journey a little bit more each and every day I walk this walk.  My Mother will forever be in my mind, heart, and spirit.  Even when I think I have forgotten certain things about her, something comes to mind or I feel myself acting or responding like her (not intentionally, LOL) but she’s in my DNA!

I’m not sure I’ll remember this Mother’s Day for any particular reason other than it’s one more year God has blessed me not to succumb to grief but gratefulness that Delores Jean  was and is my Mother.  Our bond was orchestrated before the world began.  I was predestined to be her daughter and she would be my Mom forever even though she’s no longer here in the flesh.  I choose to live my life in honor of her and most importantly honoring God with my life.  He is the author and finisher of my faith.  I’m not sure I buy into the idea of her being my guardian angel but I do know I have a loving Father and Creator that carries me and strengthens me day to day.

I’m truly forever her baby girl…Happy Mother’s Day!!!


Is God really silent??

I have heard people, preachers and songwriters on numerous occasions say sometimes God is silent or when God is silent, we should trust His heart.  I can admit I’ve truly felt like He was silent at times in my life.  But recently I have begun to ponder over this question,  Is God really silent?  As Christians, our relationship with God gives us access to Him at ALL times.  This access is through our private time with Him whether in prayer, fasting, reading His Word or words of wisdom/knowledge from people.  We know His Word gives us truth and life, no matter if you’re reading the Old or New Testament, it still applies today.  His Word lays the foundation for our lives and how we should interact with Him, ourselves and people.  So, Is God really silent?

In my experience, I’ve felt God was silent when I wouldn’t, couldn’t or should’ve listened but didn’t because I was too engrossed in the situation, like all eyes on the problem not the fixer (now this viewpoint may change as I keep living, IDK).  Or maybe I had in my mind a certain way things were supposed to play out.  Maybe I was too lazy to go research that scripture that keeps coming to mind.  It’s quiet possible I was too full of WHY’s.  Basically, just not accepting the trials or challenges before me and trying to do things in my own strength and understanding.  So, Is God really silent?

I’m going to challenge myself to really pause when I feel tempted to say, “God, why or I don’t hear You right now.”  Maybe just maybe that’s when I dig deeper into His Word, pray and listen a little longer, remove distractions that cause noise in my mind, reflect on His promises and the last thing He spoke to me or simply reflect on how He has brought me through previous situations and how I heard His voice.

All of creation is available for me to hear the voice of God and see His handiwork.  Changing my perspective on who, how and when He speaks is key.  Remembering the peace, strength and guidance I experience from my  trusting and loving relationship with God proves He isn’t silent.  I serve an omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent Creator…surely HE isn’t silent!

Listen to Lauren Daigle’s song “Trust In You” and Be BLESSED!!




Am I moving?

This is a question I’ve asked myself not only today but on several occasions, “am I moving?”  I want to be in a state of growth and purposefully doing the things God has planned for me to do.  I keep getting into cycles of doing too much all in the name of helping others and gaining knowledge.  Well what I’ve realized is that too much knowledge is dangerous and confusing and helping in the wrong capacity isn’t really help at all (can you say enabler?).

The bible should be the main source of truth I turn to.  I’ve gotten busy reading supplemental material although it was scriptural based, going to various conferences and talking to people instead of talking and listening to God.  I was neglecting a lot of my personal God time.  He is very demanding and relational (it’s all good though).

When you are bogged down with stuff and people, life can become overwhelming and lead to bitterness.  So, I’ve re-dedicated my life and time to God..lets hope I don’t fall off the wagon again.  But seriously, when I ask God to show me things I need to give up, things that are hindering my walk and growth in Him, it’s really eye-opening to say the least.  Get ready for painful moments and conversations with God, people and most importantly yourself.

I desire my life to reflect a continual state of refreshing and renewal, repentance and restoration, loving and being loved.  My challenge for me and you: we allow God to grow and mature us by developing a closer relationship with Him through His Word, prayer and fasting.  I personally never want to be or have relationships that are regressive and stagnate or live an unfulfilling busy life.

Psalm 103:5  who satisfies your mouth (your necessity and desire at your personal age and situation) with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle’s (strong, overcoming, soaring)!  (AMPC)

Be Blessed…. #purposeREVEALED

lessons learned…tragedy averted!

It is absolutely amazing to me how I can get so sidetracked and still think I’m on the right path.  Over the last couple of months and especially the past week, I’ve had to do some serious soul searching and life re-evaluations.  I became enamored with the promises of God for my life that I completely overlooked the process and His timeline.  Lets just JUMP head first into the situation and not even seek Him for the full meaning or time frame.

Last week I really had a major meltdown.  I was ready to jump off the cliff and soar (so I thought) but it would have been a major life disaster leading to what I feel like would have turned into an abyss.  Needless to say, God in His loving and sometimes not so subtle way spoke to my mind and heart through people that love me….and I finally heard!!

Now that I’m able to reflect back on the situation I can see my flaws…yes I have flaws.  Pride, stubbornness, slack in my time reading God’s Word, not seeking and valuing wise counsel sooner than expected.  If you know for a certainty God has placed wise people in your life, GO TO THEM!  It’s not a selective situation relationship and should be valued.  Most importantly I didn’t apply Matthew 6:33 to my situation.  It’s a dangerous place to be in when you know to seek God but don’t fully heed to the time it takes to STOP and LISTEN.  When we get to a place where we think we have all the answers, the rebuke can show up in so many areas of our lives: mind, body and heart.

I’ve learned some valuable lessons this past week, like slap you in the face type lessons.  God is love.  He provides clarity.  He is not the author of lack, confusion, stress, fear or doubt.  Although He gives directions and plans (not always step by step) but He does give complete instructions for the right now (that makes sense in my mind so I hope you follow what I’m saying).  I shouldn’t have more “I don’t knows”  versus “I knows” if I’ve sought God and waited for His response…NOT MINES.

My spiritual Mom had this prayer for me and I have taken it to heart…again:

Ephesians 1:17-19  “I pray that the Father of glory, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, would impart to you the riches of the Spirit of wisdom and the Spirit of revelation to know him through your deepening intimacy with him.  I pray that the light of God will illuminate the eyes of your imagination, flooding you with light, until you experience the full revelation of the hope of his calling –that is, the wealth of God’s glorious inheritances that he finds in us, his holy one!  I pray that you will continually experience the immeasurable greatness of God’s power made available to you through faith.  Then your lives will be an advertisement of this immense power as it works through you!  This is the mighty power (of God)…. (The Passion Translation)

Be Blessed…. #purposeREVEALED