I’m looking for something.  I don’t know when and where I lost it or if I ever had it but I need it NOW!  I’m not interested in being a clone of someone else or using their words or their words being substituted or forced on me.  I don’t know why this affects me so…sometimes I feel like what comes out of my mouth isn’t good enough. like my brain and words spoken don’t match up.  if you repeat what I say or you just trying rationalize and understand in your own brain or are you saying what I said wasn’t good enough? I’m not trying to be deep in my thoughts or dummy down my thoughts…its just how my brain processes sooooo why is my VOICE not good enough??!!  I’m trying to figure out in my mind and praying, Lord where is my voice and what has hindered it from surfacing???  Something happened to make me feel this way but what?  It seems I have more questions than answers but I guess that’s good because prior to today I knew I was frustrated but couldn’t put words to it.  So again Lord, where is MY VOICE and how do I  let it flow without any restrictions from the noise of people and my past?  How do I not let words of others affect me…the way I process my thoughts are unique to me so why do I feel so intimidated in my delivery?  How do I overcome to move forward with the voice You have given me?

No accolades or pats on the back will suffice.  I just need acknowledgment that I’m understanding, that my words matter, my thoughts matter.  no belittlement or you should say it this way.  no approval boasting me up or disapproval hindering me.

WHY do I take it to heart?  Gotta shake something off….BUT WHAT??!!

Lord, Help me to understand and find the voice You have given me and only ME…MY VOICE!! AMEN


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