I’m looking for something. I don’t know when and where I lost it or if I ever had it but I need it NOW! I’m not interested in being a clone of someone else or using their words or their words being substituted or forced on me. I don’t know why this affects me so…sometimes I feel like what comes out of my mouth isn’t good enough. like my brain and words spoken don’t match up. if you repeat what I say or you just trying rationalize and understand in your own brain or are you saying what I said wasn’t good enough? I’m not trying to be deep in my thoughts or dummy down my thoughts…its just how my brain processes sooooo why is my VOICE not good enough??!! I’m trying to figure out in my mind and praying, Lord where is my voice and what has hindered it from surfacing??? Something happened to make me feel this way but what? It seems I have more questions than answers but I guess that’s good because prior to today I knew I was frustrated but couldn’t put words to it. So again Lord, where is MY VOICE and how do I let it flow without any restrictions from the noise of people and my past? How do I not let words of others affect me…the way I process my thoughts are unique to me so why do I feel so intimidated in my delivery? How do I overcome to move forward with the voice You have given me?
No accolades or pats on the back will suffice. I just need acknowledgment that I’m understanding, that my words matter, my thoughts matter. no belittlement or you should say it this way. no approval boasting me up or disapproval hindering me.
WHY do I take it to heart? Gotta shake something off….BUT WHAT??!!
Lord, Help me to understand and find the voice You have given me and only ME…MY VOICE!! AMEN
I’m so glad that God meets me right where I am at any given moment. Yes, He desires for me to come higher, grow, stretch, leave my comfort zone but He still comes to where I am first. No matter how much I kick and scream, fight and fall out…He waits for me. Whatever the situation, His plans are tailor made for me.
I’m reminded of the days when I was a supervisor. I took a training course called situational leadership. The overall objective of the training was to get managers and supervisors to meet the needs of their employees at their level. The interaction required between me and my direct reports was determined by their skill set and task or duty at hand. You had to determine if directing, coaching, supporting or delegating was needed. But the kicker is you couldn’t assume what was needed….the situation determined your level of involvement. The involvement required wasn’t readily identified unless I spent time with each person getting to know them and how they carried out work assignments. Now I must admit this was a paradigm shift for me. I was so conditioned to just assume people were at a certain level with all duties…not true. Someone could be high functioning in one task requiring little to no oversight but in another area require more hand holding. What I found out during this process was yes it took more time up front to get to know a person, their skillsets and comfort level but it was better in the long run. When I didn’t take time initially that would cause delays and added frustration later because I wasn’t meeting their needs and they definitely were not meeting my needs or deadlines. So there is value in knowing a person and meeting them were they are…it shows you are investing in them.
Oftentimes I feel like God is using situational leadership tactics on me. Although I know I must depend on Him for all things, He does want me to have some level of (inter) dependence in the plans He has for me. As a Christian I should be growing in my faith daily but never outgrowing Him. Always following His lead and walking the path He lays before me BUT for those times I don’t I’m grateful that He redirects and coaches me back in right standing, supports me and even delegates to me those things I’ve been shown faithful.
So take comfort in knowing God is ALWAYS with you and will ALWAYS give you the level of guidance needed for your level of skill and maturity.
Be Blessed ALWAYS!!!