As I sit here blogging on a Saturday nite…quite content I might add, I’m reminiscing about my life.  I will be 50 years old in 3 days….it’s unbelievable!! I’ve never really pictured myself being 50.  Not that I thought I wouldn’t be alive but it just wasn’t something in the forefront of my thoughts EXCEPT when I thought about marriage.  I remember when I was in graduate school, I prayed “Lord let me finish this degree before I turn 40”. He blessed me to finish…GOD does hear sinners prayers.  Somewhere between 40-45 years of age, I prayed “Lord, I need to be married by the time I’m 50.”  In my mind that was going to make me feel like I had accomplished everything or most everything in life I wanted.  I’ve never had a problem with my age but being 50 and not married I told myself that was not acceptable…who wants to be an old maid?  Who wants to keep hearing people say “oh your not married” or “when are you getting married” or “do you date” or ‘do you like men”…..I could go on and on.

So while I was worried about a mate and people, my soul was dying and lost.  See the GREAT thing about God is He doesn’t listen to people.  He follows HIs plan for my life and kept trying to draw me to HIs path. Well, I finally realized in 2015 that my life was headed straight to HELL…I needed GOD and no one else….NO ONE!!  Surrendering my life to GOD in February 2015 on Super Bowl Sunday was the absolute best thing that could have EVA happened to me AND I haven’t regretted not one day.  I often think “what took me so long to step into HIs will.”  But because He is a long-suffering God, He kept drawing me.

My main desire after getting saved was building my relationship with God.  I wanted to know all about Him for myself.  I wanted to know what His voice sounded like speaking to me.  I wanted to know how to pray for me, my family and other Christians.  I wanted whatever God had for me…I wanted purpose for my life.  Thinking about a man was not on my was actually a distraction.  So I asked God to clear my thoughts, put blinders on my eyes and help me focus on Him.  This didn’t just happen over night. It took my desire and action.  Action was going to bible study, Sunday school, worship services, reading my Word, listening to Christian programs and music.  Not only doing these things but praying and fasting and asking God to heal and deliver me from whatever needed to be released so I could mature in Him.  We have to apply God’s commands and precepts to our lives and only the Holy Spirit can do it for you.

You see, no relationship is more important than the one we build with the Father.  He will provide whatever we need in HIs perfect timing….and I’m trusting Him to do just that.  As I seek Him, He delivers me, prunes me, purges me, matures me, guides me, loves me, comforts me, heals me, equips and prepares me.

The grass is greener on this side…side of salvation.  I have a Source that is all powerful, knowing, and present.  He knows my beginning to end and everything in between.  He has already provided me with godly relationships so I have comfort in knowing He is preparing me for my husband one day.  He is writing my love story and If God is the author and finisher of my life, I know it will continue to be grand.  So, while I no longer worry about being married by the time I’m 50….clearly that isn’t going to happen in 3 days anyway…I’m cool with that.  God did that for me.  He has proven He is all I’ll ever need.  He fills my voids with perfect love.  I’m complete and accomplished in Him.  That’s the GREATEST 50th BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!!!



  1. Laying here with tears streaming down my face, not because I am sad, but because I am so Godly proud of you and your accomplishments and most importantly is how much you love and trust God and follow Him. So glad to call you FRIEND!❤
    Love Mother Katt

    1. Mrs Kat, thanks for being an example for me. God always places people in your life to journey with us in our Christian walk…your one of the gems. LOVE YA!!

Leave a Reply